private

I just realised, how private a person I am. How difficult it is for words to come across. How much a distance I'm staying away. How much it doesn't matter anymore. Wow Janice, you've changed. From a sensitive little brat to someone who doesn't really care what happens now.

Because just then, I realised, it's me against the world.

Come on world, hit me with your best shot, because I will be standing strong, regardless of the impact it will be.

Going away for awhile, in a land where you have no worries and you paused to think. It kinda really helps. It sets my goals in perspective, allows me to know what kind of life I want. I went back to my childhood dream, of touring the world, of being free. And then like how a bulb will light up in your head, as it lighted up in mine, the conventional ideas of life that I initially wanted, vanished. I don't want a life where I have to stay home and tend to the kids. I don't want to be a woman that waits by the door at 6pm every weekday for her husband to reach home and give her a "im home!" kiss. Yes, I want reliance and security, but they aren't important to me anymore.What if love and marriage aren't the ones that define a woman anymore? I'm tired of fitting in, I'm tired of following the "rules". How about a change? How about I become the jet setter? How about a chance to shine?

Yet, these are all words on paper (or in cyberspace to be literal). Will they ever be put into action? How long will it take? A couple of years? Decades? Maybe, but at the end, it will be all worthwhile.

So here's to a new found level of independence. Cheers and goodnight.