nonsense thoughts

It worries me to think of things that I'm currently thinking. I cringe, sometimes, when I'm thinking. It hurts sometimes to see how unappreciated I am. Yet, none of it will matter anyway.

The words I read, the texts I received - they all had many effects on me. I've felt happy, foolish, angry, sad. Right now, I just felt plain stupid typing this all down. But I need to get it out somehow, someway.

Some people blogged about their everyday life. Some blogged when they're happy, when they have something to share. Some blogged when they're feeling down and not having the best of moods. Different people have different ideas of blogging, as such am I. And I've came to realise, this space here consists of things that I won't normally say to a human being, and too juvenile to write it down.

I wonder how I made you feel sometimes. When asked about you, I've always given the same answer. Truthfully right now, I will still be giving the same answer. I'm building a mental barrier for myself. For just one simple reason - I'm afraid to enter, because inside me I know (regardless of what people say) that the answer I seek will not be the answer I want to hear.

Girls do dream, and since I'm one, I dream. I've read classics since I was little, classics which have endings that do not exist in reality. However, I dream. I dream of a fairytale ending to what I presume to be my uninteresting life. I dream of a castle, a carriage, a prince. What's wrong with hoping for all of that? The only thing that's wrong, is that I'm thinking of it in a world where I live in, in a world that leaves no room for fairy tales, in a world where it's harsh and have everybody living in it fighting for survival. Some world, huh.

I guess my world is full of fantasies and stories. I guess at the end of it, the reader will pass a judgment that I'm a silly typical girl who dream of fairy tales all the time. Yes, I'm a silly typical girl. I might be such a girl, but I know I won't let myself be miserable. Ta-daa, here enters the barrier. Brilliant plan, ain't it.

There you go, my nonsensical thoughts at 1am on a Saturday evening.